This shouldn’t be this hard. But if anyone else wants to see who they should vote for (if they’re even going to show up) follow this:
Official Primary Ballot
Hillsborough County, Florida
August 26, 2008
Representative in Congress, District 9
These people are normally so useless in real life that I struggle to find something that I like in them that I believe they will actually do. Our Congressional Representatives are normally overwhelmed and become politically castrated after one session (that is if they even show up.) Anita de Palma seems to me the most interesting of the bunch. She’s the only woman, the oldest, and not a career politician (and she has a degree from Julliard.) However I don’t think she has what it takes to survive in the Congress. John Dicks is says he’s a Blue Dog, but doesn’t seem to even understand what that means. He whines about energy speculation and says he’ll do something about it. Great Dicks, you’re going to restructure our economic system? Good luck, you’re an idiot. That leaves the favorite, Bill Mitchell, boring, experienced and kind of conservative, but this is Florida, and we have to be reasonable that for our Congressional candidate, we need people who can compete on a state level at least. At least he went to Berkeley and opposes off shore drilling.
My Vote: Bill Mitchell
Board of County Commissioners, District 6
In the race between Kevin Beckner, Denise Lanyne and Joe Redner, we have the first and only no brainer. Redner is a small, old, possibly gay (depending on if you believe him or not) raging liberal. He has taken on the Supreme Court, is the father of the lap dance, but most importantly: he single handedly fought everything Ronda Storms ever did. He does not believe in men in the sky judging your life and annoys Republicans so much that they have thrown chairs at him on national television. Beckner and Lanye aren’t bad, but this lot of County Commissioners are tired and boring. I can’t think of any better shot in the arm for Tampa than Joe Redner.
My Vote: Joe Redner
Circuit Judge, 13th Circuit, Group 1
Jason D. Montes: Ok well I can’t vote for someone who want to be a judge and has only been a lawyer for six years. Plus, his opening words on his website are “As some of you already know, I have been pondering and praying on whether to run as a judicial candidate here in Hillsborough County” WTF? I know we live in Florida, but does God have to tell you to run for a job worth $145 grand a year when you’re $14 grand in the hole? Jesus! And the guy is a freaking Mason, sorry, can’t do it.
Caroline Tesche: Her website does not open everything in _target = new like Montes, and she doesn’t ask god whether or not to run for public office. Plus she likes the Orchestra and is not a Mason. She has all the experience and whatnot, but more importantly, she’s not a Mason J
My Vote: Caroline Tesche
Circuit Judge, 13th Circuit, Group 2
Miriam Velez Vs. Samantha Ward: Well this is a tough one. There is not a whole lot of info on either of them, but Velez has at least made an appeal to people who are not in their 90s. Ward doesn’t even have a website whereas Velez has everything from facebook to youtube channels. Ward is only 47, but seems to be living in the early 50s, I don’t think I can vote for her. Next time get a website Sammy and I’ll be able to find out WHY I SHOULD FREAKING VOTE FOR YOU. God. This should be an easy process, not something that the public have to rip through old case files to find out about you. Have a site, say what you stand for, have some way to back it up and do it better than the other guy – NOT HARD.
My Vote: Miriam Velez
Circuit Judge, 13th Circuit, Group 7
Kevin Carey and Catherine M. Catlin are a great example of how bad coverage can make informed decisions so difficult. It took forever to find out that even though these two are really, boringly similar, Carey has been doing a mediocre job, and is slow and annoying, holding up courts and being a pain. I’ll give Catlin my vote because these people need to be recycled anyway.
My Vote: Catherine M. Catlin
Circuit Judge, 13th Circuit, Group 21
With both Lisa Campbell and Linda Courtney Clark in a tight race for the ugliest website for any local election, Lisa Campbell comes out ahead not just in having a slightly less hideous site, but also has far more experience and seems to be like by both local papers. She also has a bunch of papers on alternatives to incarceration, while Clark has a hair cut that I’m sure she got at her Church.
My Vote: Lisa Campbell
Circuit Judge, 13th Circuit, Group 30
In the Martha Cook vs. Constance Daniels race, I think Cook has to win this hands down. Not only do her and her family’s clothing match on her website, but her awful little dogs all have matching collars. She seems to have been a reasonable judge in the past, and has a ton of experience. My choices here are between to happy-claps, but its non-partisan, so there’s not a lot I can do. Daniels on the other hand is not particularly impressive. She has nothing on her site other than a “give me money” button and a nice letter about pillars of justice or something. Also, she was fired from the Hillsborough County Public Defender’s Office – if you are bad enough at your job not to be able to do Government work, you clearly suck.
My Vote: Martha Cook
School Board Member, District 7
Ok, right off the bat I can’t vote for Jason Mims. He has some very grammatically creative sentences on his site. Now I can’t spell worth a damn and half the time never read what I’ve just written, but that’s because I don’t care. This man is running for the School Board… and he can’t even take the time to get someone who speaks English to read over his angst-filled letter-to-the-people.
The fight between Stephan Gorham and Carol W. Kurdell is a little tougher. They have some nice endorsements (though why anyone should care who the firefighters think should run for School Board is beyond me) and have reasonable websites. Kurdell has served four terms, which is 16 years of doing this stuff (which means she’s insane or actually likes it), and Gorham has fresh ideas and optimism. Fortunately I found out that Gorham is currently a technology administrator at HCC, which means he’s an idiot. Congratulations Kurdell. Kurdell also lives in South Tampa as apposed to Gorham’s Plant City address – anyone willing to live out there and be in the National Guard will probably try and get students to carry guns and that evolution thing thrown out.
My Vote: Carol W. Kurdell